


> Dave and Terezi: be in cahoots.

by deletable_bird, NothingSoDivine



Series: Sxyvaan [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Banter, Kink Negotiation, Multi, Music Kink, Nookworms, Pesterlog, Sex Toys, Sort of? - Freeform, WUZZLES!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 02:14:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4286883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deletable_bird/pseuds/deletable_bird, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NothingSoDivine/pseuds/NothingSoDivine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Terezi's conversation following <em>Exes and "Oh"s</em>.</p><p>Featuring deletable_bird as the inimitable Dave Strider and NothingSoDivine as the entirely irreplaceable Terezi Pyrope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	> Dave and Terezi: be in cahoots.

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate titles included such gems as _> Dave: take your ex's advice_ and _> Dave and Terezi: plot Karkat's demise_.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

TG: terezi

GC: D4V3

TG: so

GC: SO

GC: FROM WH4T 1 G4TH3R, YOUD L1K3 TO H34R 4BOUT K4RK4T

GC: 4T L34ST TH4TS WH4T YOU S41D

TG: you got that damn right

TG: i am dancing on my ass over here waiting for the dirt on this guy

TG: give me information

GC: W3LL TH3N L3TS NOT W4ST3 T1M3

GC: WH4T DO YOU 4LR34DY KNOW

TG: i gotta know what you know first tz

TG: no way to tell you what i dont know unless i know what you know

TG: dont you know

GC: TH3N WHY DONT 1 JUST ST4RT T4LK1NG 4ND W3LL GO FROM TH3R3

TG: educate me sensei

TG: lay it on with a fucking trowel

GC: S1T YOUR COOLK1D 4SS DOWN KOH41

TG: im seated buckled up and ready for liftoff

TG: start the countdown captain

GC: 4ND 4S OUR MUTU4L D34RLY B3LOV3D M1GHT S4Y SHUT YOUR 1NS4T14BL3 BL4TH3RTR4P

TG: okay okay fine

GC: YOUR3 H1S B4NDM4T3

GC: 4ND YOU H4V3 B33N FOR HOW LONG 4G41N

TG: idk

TG: years man

TG: weve been through thick and thin together

GC: YOUV3 B33N P3RFORM1NG FOR 4 WH1L3, Y3S

TG: were in a chart topping band of course we have

GC: SO YOULL KNOW 4BOUT TH3 MUS1C TH1NG TH3N

TG: oh hell yes

TG: hell fucking yes i know about the music thing

GC: SP34K1NG OF TH3 MUS1C TH1NG

GC: 1 DONT S33 H1M G3TT1NG TH3 W1GGL3S ONST4G3

GC: HOW D1D H3 M4N4G3 TH4T

GC: 1S 1T NOT 4FF3CT1NG H1M 4S MUCH 4S 1T US3D TO

TG: you walked in on our solution tz

TG: anticipation keeps him quiet

GC: 1T DO3S

TG: also the sheath clamp

GC: OH

GC: OUCH

TG: yeah well popping a wiggly onstage would be a bit worse than enduring one of those fuckers for awhile

TG: at least in the long run

GC: YOU DONT H4V3 4 SH34TH D4V3

GC: YOU DONT UND3RST4ND

GC: BUT 4NYW4YS

GC: SO TH3 MUS1C TH1NG 1S ST1LL 4 TH1NG

TG: very much so

GC: H4V3 YOU 3V3R C4UGHT H1M L1ST3N1NG TO MUS1C

GC: L1K3 R34LLY L1ST3N1NG

TG: hell yes

TG: done a bit more than just caught him as well

GC: OH

GC: DO GO ON

TG: nah tz were here for you to give me the dirt on our little friend not vice versa

GC: F1N3

GC: BUT YOU W1LL T3LL M3 L4T3R >:]

GC: SO 4S 1 W4S S4Y1NG

GC: WH3N H3S L1ST3N1NG TO MUS1C

GC: R34LLY L1ST3N1NG 1 M34N, NOT JUST TUN1NG OUT

GC: YOUV3 S33N YOURS3LF TH4T H3 L4NDS H1MS3LF 1N SOM3 K1ND OF FUGU3 ST4T3

GC: 4LMOST L1K3 4 TR4NC3

TG: yup

GC: 4ND YOU KNOW OF COURS3 TH4T H3 LOV3S 1T

TG: definitely

GC: W3LL TH3R3S 4 W4Y TO T4K3 TH4T ST4T3 4ND 4MPL1FY 1T

GC: M4K3 1T MOR3 1NT3NS3

GC: FOR H1M 4ND FOR YOU

TG: tell me more

GC: WH3N H3S 1N 4 ST4T3 L1K3 TH4T WH4T H3S 3NJOY1NG 1S B31NG D1SCONN3CT3D

GC: H3 1S LOST 1N TH3 MUS1C, 4ND NOTH1NG 3LS3 C4N G3T TO H1M

GC: SO 1F YOU 1NCR34S3 TH4T 1SOL4T1ON

GC: 1TS L1K3 FORC1NG H1M 1NTO TH4T ST4T3

GC: DR4GG1NG H1M 1N

GC: 1TS L1K3 K1DN4PP1NG H1S CONSC1OUSN3SS 4ND DROWN1NG 1T 1N PL34SUR3

GC: 4R3 YOU FOLLOW1NG

TG: as loyal as a dog to its man

TG: im sitting here with my beak wide open just begging for your regurgitated wormy bits of advice

TG: peep peep bird noises etc

GC: YOUR3 M1X1NG YOUR M3T4PHORS H3R3 D4V3

GC: 4ND YOU KNOW WH4T TH3Y S4Y

GC: M1X1NG YOUR M3T4PHORS M4K3S YOU DRUNK3R

TG: wow

TG: just

TG: keep talking about karkat okay

GC: C3RT41NLY

GC: WH4T 1M S4Y1NG 1S YOU W4NT TO OV3RWH3LM H1M

GC: H3 L1K3S TO B3 1N OV3R H1S H34D

GC: BUT K33P 4 GOOD S4F3WORD H4NDY B3C4US3 1NT3NS3 1SNT 4LW4YS TH3 B3ST TH1NG

TG: point

GC: SOM3T1M3S H3LL B3 H4PPY TO L13 4T TH3 BOTTOM OF TH3 OC34N 4ND L3T 3V3RYTH1NG JUST COM3 CR4SH1NG DOWN ON H1M BUT SOM3T1M3S H3LL ST4RT CHOK1NG ON W4T3R

GC: 4ND YOU H4V3 TO B3 TH3 S4F3 4ND R3SPONS1BL3 L1F3GU4RD R34DY TO DR4G H1M B4CK OUT OF TH3R3 4ND G1V3 H1M CPR

GC: 1M TRY1NG TO PUT TH1S 1NTO D4V3SP34K SO YOU UND3RST4ND B3TT3R

GC: 1S 1T WORK1NG

TG: yes vaguely but it sounds kind of weird coming from you

TG: keep going

GC: SO YOU W4NT TO COMPL3T3LY OV3RWH3LM H1M

TG: but keep him anchored at the same time

TG: amirite

GC: 4BSOLUT3LY

TG: but tz

TG: i already know pretty much all this

TG: i need secrets

TG: hidden kinks

TG: caged terrors hes afraid to let loose anymore

GC: C4G3D T3RRORS YOU SAY

GC: H4V3 YOU M3T CONST4NC3 Y3T

TG:

TG: who the fuck is constance

GC: H1S NOOKWORM

GC: H3 PROB4BLY ST1LL H4S H3R

GC: H3 US3D TO K33P H3R 1N 4 C4G3 4T TH3 BOTTOM OF H1S R3CUP3R4COON WH1L3 W3 W3R3 D4T1NG BUT 1M NOT SUR3 1F H3 ST1LL DO3S

TG: brb

GC:

TG: wait

TG: oh holy shit

TG: he named it constance

TG: he named his fucking sex toy constance

TG: what the actual fuck

GC: 1M NOT 3NT1R3LY SUR3 WHY

GC: 1 4SK3D H1M ONC3 4ND H3 S41D SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT H3R B31NG 4 CONST4NT COMP4N1ON

GC: TH3 QU3ST1ON ST1LL ST4NDS, H4V3 YOU M3T H3R Y3T

GC: 4ND MOR3 1MPORT4NTLY DO3S SH3 ST1LL L1V3 1N TH3 BOTTOM OF H1S COON

TG: yes and yes

TG: im very pleased to inform you that i have most definitely made the lovely acquaintance of

TG: wow

TG: i cant get over this

TG: constance

TG: yes ive met constance

TG: and yeah he still keeps it in a cage in the bottom of his coon

GC: H4V3 YOU 3V3R US3D H3R ON H1M B3FOR3

TG: sadly no

GC: M4K3S S3NS3

TG: why

GC: 4FT3R 4LL 4 NOOKWORM 1S 4 H1GHLY P3RSON4L 4RT1CL3

TG: theyre fucking living dildos who wouldnt flaunt a living dildo

TG: actually dont answer that i know already

TG: the kind of person who names their living dildo constance

GC: 4ND B3S1D3S, W3 BOTH KNOW HOW SHY K4RK4T 1S 4BOUT K1NKY STUFF

TG: so how do i coax him out of his shell

TG: get him a little ways into the kinky world

GC: 1D SUGG3ST YOU T13 H1M DOWN 4ND SL1D3 1NTO H1S SH3LL W1TH H1M

GC: N4RROW H1S WORLD DOWN TO JUST TH3 TWO OF YOU

TG: and how do i do that

GC: BL1NDFOLD H1M

TG: aw hell yes

GC: B3 C4R3FUL THOUGH

GC: YOU H4V3 TO M4K3 SUR3 TH4T H3S 1N TH3 R1GHT K1ND OF MOOD

TG: and what do i do to get him in the right kind of mood oh wise and almighty sexmaster

GC: H3H3H3 >:]

TG: i sense an oncoming tirade brace yourselves ladies and gentlemen its about to hit

TG: batten down the hatches and shit tsunami incoming thar she blows and all that

TG:

TG: are you going to say anything else or did i scare you off

GC: OH 1VE GOT MOR3

GC: 1TS 4LL 4BOUT TH3 MOOD MUS1C

GC: 3V3N W1THOUT K4RK4TS 1NFLU3NC3 YOU WOULD KNOW BY NOW TH4T MUS1C H4S 4N 3NORMOUS 1MP4CT ON 4 P3RSONS MOOD

TG: well duh

TG: what do you take me for a village buffoon

GC: 4BSOLUT3LY NOT

GC: 1 H4V3 TH3 H1GH3ST R3SP3CT FOR YOU D4V3

GC: YOU KNOW TH4T

TG: yes

TG: yes i do

GC: BUT 4NYW4YS, TH3 MUS1C 1S V3RY 1MPORT4NT

GC: YOU KNOW TH4T S3XY MUS1C G3TS YOU 1NTO 4 S3XY MOOD

GC: SLOW MUS1C OF TH3 S4M3 G3NR3 G3TS YOU 1NTO 4 LOV3M4K1NG MOOD

GC: F4ST3R S3XY MUS1C G3TS YOU 1NTO 4 MOR3 FR4NT1C MOOD

TG: were looking more at the bruise-inducing fucking with just a touch of slow sexy canoodling end of the football field here tz

GC: HOLD YOUR OBJ3CT1ONS UNT1L TH3 L4DYS T3ST1MONY 1S F1N1SH3D D4V3

TG: okay okay fine

TG: get your testimony over with

GC: 4G41N, W3R3 T4LK1NG H3R3 4BOUT OV3RWH3LM1NG

GC: NOW W3 DONT W4NT SOM3TH1NG TOO OV3RWH3LM1NG TO B3 S3XY, D3F1N1T3LY

GC: SO S1NG1NG-W1S3 W3R3 GO1NG TO H4V3 TO GO FOR B3DROOM R3G1ST3R

GC: YOU KNOW WH4T 1 M34N

TG: i do happen to know exactly what you mean

GC: TO G3T TH3 OV3RWH3LM1NG S1D3 OF 1T 1D GO FOR SOM3 SORT OF ROCK

GC: SOM3TH1NG PR3TTY H34VY

GC: BUT NOT CH34P ROCK, W3 DONT W4NT BR41NL3SS SCR34M1NG B3C4US3 TH1S 1S ST1LL K4RK4T W3R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT H3R3

GC: 1M T4LK1NG TH3 K1ND OF SONG YOU 1NST1NCT1V3LY W4NT TO CR4NK UP TH3 VOLUM3 ON UNT1L YOU C4NT FOCUS ON 4NYTH1NG 3LS3

TG: like this

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] sent gallowsCalibrator [CG] the file “03 I Don’t Care.wma” --

GC: OH

GC: MY

GC: GODS

TG: how is it

GC:

GC:

GC: P3RF3CT

GC: >:D

**Author's Note:**

> Yes there will be a direct sequel.


End file.
